BJ's AnD S&M

BJ's AnD S&M


	Named after the creator, Mike, four most frequent posters, Brittany, Jason, Anna, Sarah and newest member Dorothy. archives Thursday, July 31, 2003 pirates of the carribean is an AWESOME movie!!!! i rank it up there close to gladiator and matrix as far as good movies go, and it was more entertaining. more later. posted by Jason 10:15 PM Weird weather here. Its been raining off and on, but its really hot and muggy, so all the fans are on and the doors and windows are open. And I haven't heard any thunder since this morning. posted by Anonymous 5:40 PM Annie? EW. No. I think my name is fine. I can't even think of a celebrity name for myself. I'm fine as I am. posted by Anonymous 2:11 AM Wednesday, July 30, 2003 i hope you dont start wanting us to call you annie or anything. posted by Jason 11:09 AM Ew. Too much info about my sign. Cassi is changing her name to Sandra. Her full name is Cassandra, so she's shortening that to Sandra. She likes it more and thinks its less kiddish than Cassi. It'll take me a while to get the change in my head, but I'll do it cause I'm her best friend. posted by Anonymous 1:01 AM Tuesday, July 29, 2003 what do you mean changing to sandra? shes changing her name? did you know?: scorpions are arachnids, but give birth to a live infant. posted by Jason 3:09 PM Monday, July 28, 2003 I've been to Portland a few times. I have a very close friend up there. I stayed with her for a week once, when I was 8. It is pretty up there. Actually, Cassi (changing to Sandra) and I have always thought about moving up there together (prior to anything with Jason). We both like rain and pretty scenery. A bug hits the windshield. Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again. posted by Anonymous 11:52 PM go gett'em tiger. What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass. posted by Jason 7:59 PM Oh, and "Rush Hour 2" was pretty funny. Saw that too. posted by Anonymous 10:43 AM I saw "League of Extrodinary Men" and "Seabiscuit" and liked both. I'm still in SLO, being lazy, only to have to make up for it later today, since I have work and I'm still 200 miles away. I'm mostly packed though. I just have to thorw it all in the car and then stop in town for some incredible cookies and strawberries. Sea kayaking rules. Feeding seals is cool as long as you don't think about the dead fish in your hands. Hearst Castle is still cool and make me wonder if one day I'll be doing something less extravengant, but along the same lines with my grandparent's victorian. I still kick butt at DDR (slightly better than usual right now), but I still lose most air hockey games. I'm already thinking about coming back down in a few weeks or something. I also have a friend who will be in Portland in a few weeks though, who I've never met and has never been to the west coast, so I was thinking about driving up there by myself and then running up to Seatle to be random, but I have a feeling I'll chicken out. Entertaining to think about though. :) Anyway, its gorgeous down here and I've had tons of fun. I needed this in a big way. posted by Anonymous 10:42 AM Sunday, July 27, 2003 today my cousin ryan and i took some stuff to the renton dump, and on our way back we decided to go see jimi hendrix's grave (which just happens to be in renton for some reason). when we got to the cemetery, we saw a big dome supported by four pillars, and i said, maybe thats it. ryan said no, so we walked around the cemetery for a while. turns out that it was the big dome. it was nothing spectacular, but at least now we can say weve been there. then we came home, did some stuff, then went to my house in lynwood cause my mom wanted me to do some watering of the lawn and such. while we were there i got to play some more rtcw: enemy territory (my current favorite game that gets better each time i play it), which was good because someone other than me (my uncles cousin) is sleeping in the room here that has a computer so we cant use it. im getting the shakes, cause this guy sleeps from like 3am to noon or something, and i want to play. now hes not feeling well, so hell probably be in there the rest of the night. grr. anyway, gamers: DL enemy territory and come play me at the server "YKZ enemy territory". posted by Jason 7:29 PM Saturday, July 26, 2003 i just watched blue crush. pretty decent movie. definatly not great. lots of nice shots of ladies in skimpy bikinis definatly helped though. i think surfing was MADE for photography and cinematography. big waves are just plain amazing, and when you have a person riding such a powerful awesome force... very cool. yesterday i went waterskiing. that was cool too. now im sore. thats not so cool. today i painted my aunts front door and made some dough. so far id say my summer is ok. awesome trip to california. awesome trip to montana. then work the rest of the time. heres a joke for you munky: Q: How do you catch a bra? A: Set up a boobie trap. posted by Jason 10:59 PM yup. last night i watched about shmidt. it was very well acted, and well written, but it moved WAY to slow, and there was a lot in it that didnt seem to have a point. the result was that it was sporadically interesting but overall boring. posted by Jason 11:36 AM Thursday, July 24, 2003 You're quite the movie-goer these days, eh Jason? Today I washed my car since the beach trip and got all the finger prints you boys left on my passenger side window, from pushing it up. (MIKE BROKE IT!!!!!) I kinda miss them, but not really. I need to see. Especially since I leave for my trip tomorrow. Should be good times. posted by Anonymous 7:53 PM i just watched fear and loathing in las vegas. while johny depp did a fabulous job, it is my humble opinion that a movie needs a plot. maybe its just me. posted by Jason 3:38 PM Wednesday, July 23, 2003 i just watched the movie blow today. it was the most powerful movie ive seen in a long time. the only way i can describe it is to say that when it was over, i wanted to go appreciate life. posted by Jason 10:02 PM Tuesday, July 22, 2003 i just earned $157 in two days. woot woot. posted by Jason 5:44 PM posted by Anonymous 1:15 PM Monday, July 21, 2003 here's something funny. www.silencethemusical.com listen to the lotion in the basket song. its wonderful. posted by Anonymous 8:29 PM Sunday, July 20, 2003 Kotor is awesome Jason. But not awesome enough. I need more. More dialogue. More playing time! Give me more damn it! GRRRRRRRRRR! Romance could have been better at least the Bastila one. Maybe Carth is better. Uh yeah and the guide is from Prima and they've really outdone themselves in crappy guidemaking. I mean they've made some crappy, CRAPPY guides but they really outdid themselves with KOTOR's guide. It's like a monument to crappiness. I couldn't believe it. I mean I can't stress enough how bad the guide is. It's like they were retarded AND purposefully TRYING to make it suck. (Shakes head) Story isn't the greatest story in an RPG either. Not a bad story but some things seemed straight from NWN or BG 2. Nice twist though. You know a twist is coming but you don't really expect that...at least I didn't and it made sense in a REALLY great way. The main quest is made up for by having the best fucking sidequests ever in an RPG period. Not a single fetch this simple item delivery mission in the game. Using force persuade and I hear choke in dialogue is so fucking sweet it should be a crime. It's like they taunt you with the cloaks and such. I mean In cutscenes you see the way Revan looked before he was killed and OH MY FUCKING GOD he looks so fucking kewl. Kewler than the Emperor. Mask, hooded, robes, cloaks, hovers, awesome fighting style. I would have gone to the dark side in a fucking heartbeat for that outfit if thats what I had to do. I wouldn't care if it gave me -10 on every attribute. But alas nothing you can wear in the game is that kewl. A small loose end with Malak thats never explained. And yeah that's about all I can think to complain of. So a definite must buy. I can already see how kewl and totally different the game is if you go through it dark. I think the game is so damn awesome that for one thing you MUST lower your expectations or you'll be like I am right now. Im salivating for KOTOR 2. I already know exactly what I want and I NEED it now. They need to start writing the story right now because I think the voice acting hurt the game by needing the story to be finished and written so quickly. In regards to romances they need to take a couple pages from FF type games but it's still really good. I don't know if I can or am describing this well enough. Basically the game is like a fucking diamond BUT this makes any little flaw seem like a complete and total travesty and you just want to cry anytime you manage to notice something you can improve since no game is perfect and there's always something to improve. Does that make sense? As with almost all good games the ending is anticlimactic at least for the good guys. I haven't gotten to play dark side yet but I think the ending for dark side is going to be much more satisfying and rewarding than the light side ending. Just from bits and pieces I've gathered. Anyways I decided to just tell you a few of the general shortcomings of the game so you don't hype yourself and because If I had to list what's great about the game you have a novel on your hands. I don't think this is a reason to buy X-box though. Unless your PC really sucks because with just a few good mods... (breaks down into fits of pleasure.) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 11:46 PM ayseufspadz: a friend of mine studying art suggested that to practice drawing i start by just drawing things im looking at ayseufspadz: why that never occured to me i dont know ayseufspadz: so i drew a rootbeer bottle ayseufspadz: on a resteraunt table cloth (it was paper, they expected you to do such things) ayseufspadz: with a blue crayon ayseufspadz: i was surprised that when i was finished i could actually recognize it as a bottle ayseufspadz: hopefully ill keep practicing ayseufspadz: maybe by the time i get to school i will have graduated to drawing electric pencil sharpeners ayseufspadz: hmm, that may be a bit abrupt ayseufspadz: i just tried to draw one, and it doesnt look so much like a pencil sharpener as a loaf of bread with an olive on the front ayseufspadz: after a little more doctoring i think i may have saved the bread. i mean, pencil sharpener. posted by Jason 12:53 AM If its the same cold I got, then it won't last long. My immune system is shot and I am pretty much over it now. I started my symptoms on Tuesday. Maybe you can still go have fun. posted by Anonymous 12:41 AM Thursday, July 17, 2003 mike, hows kotor? im looking forward to getting back to SOF2 and i might try to get the nwn expantion. posted by Jason 11:11 AM Wednesday, July 16, 2003 I saw "Pirates of the Caribbean" last night. I thought it was good. I wonder if other people stayed til the VERY end of the credits, because after the film distributers scroll by and it looks like its done, there is one more cool part. In my case, my group of people were the only ones who saw it. People suck and need to give credit to those faces not seen on screen, but who put in their own time and effort to make the movie what it is. posted by Anonymous 11:20 PM I was just told today because my mom was just told today that we won't be moving till the end of August now. This is good news I suppose but as much as Id rather not move getting the date we are moving yanked around is much worse. Very annoying. To drop by this house anytime take 880 north to mowry avenue exit. Turn left on Mowry and then right at Cedar Blvd. Left onto Robertson (second opening after the Fremont Christian School) Right onto Birch then left onto Mistflower. Has a big blue SUV and my white truck numbers uh...6114 I know 114 is correct not sure about the 6 might be a 5 or 8 anyways hope to see someone. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 9:54 PM glacier national park was awesome. the mountains there are HUGE and they look razor sharp. its very impressive. everything is green, the water is super clear and a beautiful blue. i had a great time there. now im staying with elise in missoula. we saw league of extraordinary gentlemen last night. it was pretty good, i definatly recommend it. we went swimming and cliff jumping today, and i got sunburned a little bit. mike, glad to hear youve got kotor (or will soon). it doesnt look like ill be getting an xbox any time soon, i still owe my parents like $150, and even after that i want to save up like 300 bucks for books before i start spending much money. :( looks like ill be heading home from here friday, getting home probably saturday. talk to y'all again then. posted by Jason 4:20 PM I can be reached at (510) 794-5849. I will be at an explorer meeting from like 6:30 but I should be back at 10. I will also be calling in sick Thursday. :) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 3:09 PM Yes those too. So... 0 DAYS! Im so happy I could cry... Anyways starting ..well today.. I will be house sitting at the usual place. I don't think Ill be heading over there till afternoon at the earliest so if you find yourself Wednesday night or Thursday morning or Friday morning/afternoon wanting to hang out with me with no parental supervision... :) I'm hoping to get Mana to come over and drink non-virgin Pina Coladas. I'll put the number up later. Take Care. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:14 AM Tuesday, July 15, 2003 You're also addicted to orange tick-tacks, aren't you? And you post extremely person things on here because you want to vent and also to get some feedback. And I would bet that a big part of you is hoping to get some support as well. And I haven't posted because I've been an emotional disaster with all this Ryan crap. He went to a bunch of my friends and as much I don't want that to bother me, it kinda does. posted by Anonymous 10:41 AM A little more has come back to me. I don't think I should ever drink or smoke. I get addicted too easily. To things that aren't even drugs. I have a continuing addiction to cranberry juice and cranberry jelly and way too many songs. I've gone through addictive phases to Bubblicious, Snapple lemonade preferably frozen, Sunny Delight, Orange Soda and Cranberry juice, and currently Capri Suns also preferably frozen. There are more but who wants a list of that. Likewise I think I am addicted to certain people and need certain doses. Then I have to wonder can I suffer withdrawal? Could it kill me? Is it healthy... posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:22 AM I do remember one thing I wanted to post. Why do I sometimes post something extremely personal and private on the blog. Please post your theories. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:22 AM No blogs by anyone? Well I had a magnificent blog to post. If only I had had a tape recorder I'd remember it coherently enough to post it. I'm serious. Damn it would have been good. Very emotionally honest and open. 1 day... I'm going crazy. Also someone who shall remain nameless expressed surprise I would love Calling you by Blue October. All I can say is I am insulted I may prefer hard rock but my interests and tastes are not so narrow. I also love Think Twice by Eve 6. When all is said and done And dead does he love you The way that I do Beathing in lighting Tonight's fighting I feel the hurt so physical Think twice before you touch my girl Come around I'll let you feel the burn Think twice before you touch my girl Come around come around no more Think twice before you touch my girl Come around I'll let you feel the burn Think twice before you touch my girl Come around no more She spreads her love She burns me up I can't let go I can't get out I've said enough Enough by now I can't let go I can't get out Wait till the day you finally see I've been here waiting patiently Crossing my fingers and my t's She cried on my shoulder begging please Think twice before you touch my girl Come around I'll let you feel the burn Think twice before you touch my girl Come around come around no more Think twice before you touch my girl Come around I'll let you feel the burn Think twice before you touch my girl Come around no more She spreads her love She burns me up I can't let go I can't get out I've said enough Enough by now I can't let go I can't get out What is it you really want I'm tired of asking You come wasted When I showed up and he was there I tried my best to grin and bear And took the stairs but didn't stop at the street And as we speak I'm going down Cause she spread her love And burnt me up I can't let go I can't get out I've said enough Enough by now I can't let go I can't get out Think twice before you touch my girl Come around I'll let you feel the burn Think twice before you touch my girl Come around come around no more Think twice before you touch my girl Come around I'll let you feel the burn Think twice before you touch my girl Come around no more posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:21 AM Monday, July 14, 2003 2 days! Pirates was good. Hanging out with Tim is always kewl. Oh and Sarah is addicted. She'd come and say so but she's busy. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:20 AM Sunday, July 13, 2003 I have reached my limit. I know that some people would have reached it a long time ago and that lots of people think I should have reached it a long time ago, but I have now. No more. His next move towards me will result in PERMANENT separation with no possible chance of friendship in the future. He came to me at work again. WORK! Not the box office work either. My other job, the one he has nothing to do with. And he didn't come to buy pants or whatever, I like a normal person. No, he came for me. After he gave me another stupid letter and tried to talk me into doing something, he finally left, my answer being no, of course. All the associates who saw him, thought he was my boyfriend, that he looked really good, we looked like we were meant to be together, blah blah. They are all insane. Darth Padawan and I can not date ever again. He could be the last person on earth and I would make sure he stayed away. That is how much I want to be away from him now. Fuck, I'm actually afraid of commitment. If it has to end this badly the majority of the time, then its not worth it to me. This is insanity. What really bugs me is how he much lies to me. I can't believe a single word he says now. And what's worse is that he believes in what he says, making him a chronic liar. I will not associate with someone like that. I have been there. I remember my family keeping everything from doors, boxes, drawers, whatever it took, because I was lieing so much and stealing from them. Its the same with Darth Padawan's little sister. I hope he doesn't get that bad. And I almost trust her more than I trust him. He gave me a letter. I didn't read it while I was at work. I think he thinks I did, but I didn't. I have now. He still thinks we can work it out and be friends. I am so far beyond that now. He says that I "saved him" with one sentence. Which means he is still reading my journal and/or blog site, even though he said he deleted it (LIEING AGAIN!!!!!). It may also mean he knows my cell number. Fine. I will not pick up any numbers that I know are associated with him. And if he calls with a new number, I will call the phone company and have it blocked. I feel at risk. So I'm doing this out of self protection. He's going to wait for me in the place we used to go together for a half hour. Because of this, I will not be answering anything but my cell phone. I will not come to the door if you knock. My parents will be screening my calls. Just say who you are and it will be okay. I thought about leaving just to avoid him and going to the place that Fenris and I share, but then again, I thought he might see my car and follow me there. That would TOTALLY suck. Anyway, my parents have forbidden (for my own good) to go see him tonight (yeah, alone, in the dark...so safe...only now do I think he could lose control and hurt me physically). I feel badly that he's pushed me to this conclusion, but he's given me no other choice. He refuses to stay away and give me my space. The next time he approaches me, I will take legal action. posted by Anonymous 9:04 PM Supposedly inappropriate events. Sorry. posted by Anonymous 9:02 PM He doesn't read the blog? No big deal. Just give me his email and I'll send it to him. Ryan is such a nice guy. He came over personally to apologize to me. His timing was a bit off but otherwise a real class act. Not that you should get back together with him Brat. Oh and Brat..SUPPOSED? events. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 5:23 PM Jason and I have already dicussed the supposed events in question and we both agree that in the great big picture, the things we did together were TINY. Mike was with the group of half nakeds, Jaosn didn't actually get to see all that much through the wet white tank top except for maybe some curves that anyone on any day could see depending on how I dressed that day. (Ask Brian about the velvet shirt...Jason still saw less than what is visible with that thing.) And to top it off, there was no touching. None. And I would not have let Jason. Or if I did, I would have smacked myself and then stopped, no matter how much fun it could have been. At that point, neither one of us was single. I respect his relationship and I didn't want to make mine any harder. Plus, I'm known for loyalty. Yes, I'm loose with friends, but I'm honest, and whoever I date knows going into a relationship with me that I treat some of my friendships differently than the regualr average mundane person would. Jason happens to be one of those people. BUT, I would never dream of hurting him or anything he and E'lise share (which, would hurt him, duh). I wouldn't dream that on anyone. Mike, I cannot send him the email. By establishing contact with him, I open up the doors (in his mind) to be friends again. I'm not ready. I want to take my time sorting out the mess and feeling better about it. He's been pushing me, a lot, and its been hard. So, I'm sorry, but he won't be getting your response. God has always been quiet to him anyway. Thank you for supporting me, but obviously stating your feelings and opinions, unbiased to anything I would have said or did say. posted by Anonymous 11:19 AM Go ahead and send this back. Dear small and pathetic peon worshipping a higher power, You won't find salvation in prayer. Only through monetary donations to the church of Mike. Little knowledge! Puny human! I am all knowing and all seeing. I know much more than you think and if you think you are "special" I have news for you. You are the same as 7 billion other people on this little orb. You are a product of your genes and environment and now as a grown adult have developed a set pattern of behaviors, emotions, etc. that allow me to read you like an open book....written in English. Many times people are smart enough to know when something is unhealthy or in this case that they're just the "consolation prize" but not smart enough to end it. Because they still "love" whatever it is. I am willing to make a bold statement and cut through the crap. That's why I am god and you are praying to me. I know it can be scary. There's much time invested in this relationship, you still have feelings, even Brittany will probably always have some feelings, but they are not enough. Trust me. You will thank me later but date around...oh and try to make sure you're not gay. You should NOT settle for being the consolation prize. You both deserve better. Know that at times I as a GOD may seem cruel but what I decide is for the greater good of all. Both you and Brittany will be better served apart as has been proven numerous times now. Contrary to popular opinion I am not big on second chances and especially third chances. GODs change with time. Religions wither and die replaced by the new. People grow and find their viewpoints changed. What a younger more naive and idealistic woman or man may one day deem heartless is later realized as unfortunately, the best course of action and despite the fact it is harder, and scary, they bravely take it. This is growing up. Anyone that has grown up is not the same person they once were. Therefore the fact that where I may one day be deemed evil and selfish, perhaps when a beloved pet dies, I can the next be realized as benevolent when an older and wiser being sees the age and suffering of their beloved pet and understands why it had to end. One day you may stop praying and realize your own wisdom. I hope you do. Let me explain something to you about emotion and feeling. They cloud judgement. Do you ever hear of a Mrs. GOD? Do I have friends? No. I have never even had children. Why? Because I then run the risk of letting what I know is best for them be derailed by what I want for them. When you are a parent you will understand that you let your child play and one day he will be hurt. You warn them of the dangers of for example rollerblading without pads and they don't listen till one day they scrape their knee. It's bleeding, their crying and you knew it would happen . You could have placed them in a bubble and sheltered them so they'd never know pain but in the end you would be hurting them more than helping. And next time even though it slows down the fun or maybe feels a bit unpleasant they'd put those pads on and probably listen a little sharper the next time you warn them. You are all children scraping your knees and now you've learned better. Logic and reason will not crush you. Sometimes it tells you to choose a harder path/ A smarter path but it will not crush you. No one is more alone than I. It is a sacrifice I must make so my vision is clear so you can sometimes let your emotion carry you over your reasoning. Hey logic says I do not exist. I realize there is a place for emotion and faith but when someone comes to me for help I will offer them impartial, logical advice. A relationship is not different because of your feelings. It exists in reality, is grounded in reality and is quite subject to..reality. Life is not like the movies. In regards to your childish question regarding land there are so many variables that must be known before deciding who I would like to have live on the land. But I can tell you that who WILL live on the land is whoever is stronger and luckier. I would also say logic supposes but does not demand that the two groups will annihilate each other in fighting for the land. Only because logic supposes that emotions like greed, pride, and avarice will win out over logic as it so often does. Logic tells them to end bitter, petty illogical feuds. If they do not it is not because they thought with clear heads but with hot ones. The solution was easy to derive and I did not have to solve it just to prove you wrong. The fact you find yourself writing this letter to me means that you are hopeless and all is lost. I know you care about Brittany. This is obvious. Time does not matter though. Do I care you knew and cared for her before Jason or I? Or Brian or anyone else she may know? No. Your self sacrifice is noble. I love bacon burgers but that doesn't mean they are good for me. My definition of love is to care for someone or something more than yourself. This is all the criteria that must be fulfilled for me to believe someone believes they love someone. She spends a lot of time with Jason because she still loves him and cannot see him as much as she could you. You do have a problem with Jason and I do not blame you. The woman you love loves him. There is little worse than that. You SHOULD have a problem with Jason. You would get farther to admit your understandable jealousy. From what I hear Brittany granted you the Wednesday to be with her but then you had to work. Perhaps Brittany lied? Perhaps you were unclear? This is between you and Brittany. I feel your pain more than you know of always being denied for someone else. But I have never lost it. Losing it is always a mistake. A single slip can leave you falling for eternity. You slipped and have fallen too far. Let me make it clear. You lost it and crossed the line from understandably jealous to creepy and THAT is a mistake. If Jason is new you are old. The Old always makes way for the new in time. So accept your place and go become someone else's new. I hear your popular at Ohlone theatre. If things had happened differently I have no doubt our present would be different. But things happened the way they did and there is no changing so focus on what IS here and now. Not what might have been. Express your ignorance all you wish. I'm quite tolerant. Let me now make something clear to you. I was your only hope that week. I did not want Jason and Brat to do anything. I tried to always be around to prevent any loss of control. Ask Brittany. When she said goodbye to Jason I was there. Unfortunately I had to work and that's when the wet t shirt stuff occured despite my oblique warnings not to do anything innapropriate while I was gone. I very seriously told them NO SEX or anything sexual before I left. Maybe now you suddenly wish Brittany listened to me more? I agree that was bad. As I've said I understand your jealousy. I AM ok with the ocean though. No one saw anything. It wasn't just her and Jason (once again thanks to me) and that I would actually be ok with. Because I would have trust. I personally told Brittany she shouldn't even mention it. That all it would do was screw with you and if you didnt cheat on him then don't say anything because it can only cause trouble. But hey once again she didn't listen. See a pattern? She only listens to me when she WANTS too.... So what does that say about your relationship? Obviously she wants me to be right. Is this behavior you should expect from teenagers? YES. I can't stress that yes enough. I've said what love is. I never said you shouldn't have a problem with him. I said you should. You also seem to imply you DO have a problem with him even though earlier you said you didn't so make up your mind. I have no idea how Jason's girlfriend would react to learning this. She was ok with the ocean or at least I didn't hear yelling on the phone when he told her. The wet t-shirt? I don't know if he has told her that. Maybe he's smart enough not to tell her something he knows will upset her. Be glad he only looked and never touched. I'm sure he could have if he wanted. Your bond has been tested multiple times and failed. Move on. You certainly did lay down your trust. You lost it. Things did not go slightly wrong. Things have been going wrong. She was ready to break up with you quiote a few times before that. And I agreed with her... but surprise... she didn't listen. So in case I didn't drive this point home enough Brittany has chosen this. Not me. Now she is only using myself and others to help her feel supported in this decision. If you think so little of Brat that I have somehow brainwashed her into being my servant then you are more deluded than I like to joke. I always make my opinion known. I do not force her to obey or even listen. Once again stop thinking of Brittany as some sort of obedient dog and start realizing that she is making her own decisions and choices. I agree. Stop being stubborn and accept the end. Revealing your weakness to grow stronger is philosophical bullshit anyone wise or over 25 can tell you is horseshit. Padawan is very fitting for you. It is someone that shows promise but has a lot to learn. If you wouldn't change anything about your relationship you are a fool. I would most definitely change the parts of a relationship that are causing it to end. And it IS ending. It's not the presence of Jason that should make you rethink the structure of what you had, after all he is gone. It's the lack of a Brittany presence you might want to start thinking about. Next time you want to implore GOD for sympathy with YOUR LIMITED knowledge of his actions I suggest you DON'T! (Smites Ryan) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 3:47 AM There are SO MANY arguments against this email. Goodness how it pissed me off when I got it. posted by Anonymous 2:03 AM Requested by Mike. Email from Ryan, to Mike, sent through me...blah blah. Belielve it or not this message is not for you. Please send the following to Mike, I wish to speak to GOD. Dear GOD, I find that in this time of need I’m looking for salvation in prayer. So I come to you all mighty one. First of all I find it hard to believe that you are willing to make such bold statements with the little knowledge that you have obtained. I never asked for a relationship out of pity, and I am smart enough to know when I am just the consolation prize. Getting Brittany back would solve nothing and only prolong the inevitable. Now I’m not saying we don’t stand a chance, but I know that with your opinion in her head I shouldn’t grasp to dearly to hope. I find it strange how your comments where mostly viewed as evil and selfish, but now you are the righteous voice of reason. Let me tell you a little bit about logic and reason. It will always crush those you hold dear and in the end leave you alone. Logic gives us the chance to evaluate a multitude of options and then pick the solution that best serves the one or the many. But tell me how well logic works when the one is pitted against another. Is it ever logical to sacrifice your own well being in order to preserve the well being of an equal? Logic alone would suggest that people would be better off taking care of themselves in a situation where a sacrifice amongst equals must be made. But it is different in relationships. There are feelings, feelings that make us human. The use of logical reasoning does not necessarily bring about a right answer. Logic would say that if a section of land was being occupied by a small group of people but could better fulfill the needs of a larger that the larger group should occupy the land. Plain and simple, black and white. But lets take it one step further. Let us say that these two groups have a violent history together and their close presence will only lead to their destruction. How gets the land now? Does it go to those who can use it best, or to those who have been there longer? Not so simple now, but I’m sure you will derive a solution just to prove me wrong. I care about Brittany. I’ve cared since before you were in the picture. I want her to be happy and if Jason would just give her that than I would have no reason to complain. I am not so bold to say that we were meant for each other. I feel that we fit together well and I know that I love her. By the way I’d love to hear your definition of love some time. My problem is with how much time she feels she must spend with Jason when he is around. I have no problem with your friend Jason. From what I hear he is a great guy, though I still have my doubts. I asked for one day, a couple of hours and was denied for Jason. Always denied for Jason. It used to be that Jason was leaving for Seattle and now that he is only here for a week. I am not a controlling person; the less power I have the less opportunity I have to screw it up. I admit the night I came to your house I lost it. I still haven’t decided if that was a mistake. If she wants to be with Jason then let her be with Jason. But if you ask me I think that Jason is just new. She has never had the chance to explore a long-term relationship with him. A part of me wishes she had, then we might not be having this conversation. Please forgive me but I wish to express my ignorance a little longer. I don’t know what you feel is appropriate to do in a relationship but I think that you might, or then again might not, have a problem if your girlfriend was doing this with her ex. “….the boys decide they need a camera. They took off their trunks and I took off my top and waved them above our heads while pictures were taken. That was pretty funny...until I couldn't get my top back on. It was so cold I couldn't get my fingers to move much and the swinging around and waves had tied it into a knot. Eventually I gave it to Fenris to fix while I kept my back turned. I don't think it helped much though, because anytime a wave came, I went into the air, flailing my arms, so that I didn't go under. They claim to not have gotten many good views, but whatever. Once the top was fixed, I was too cold to hook the clasp, but the waves just made that impossible, so after a while, we gave up and they ran for a towel while I did my best to cover up.” Oh and lets not forget this one: “Fenris came into the room with a cup of water and while I was stretching with my eyes closed, he dumped the whole thing on my chest. I was wearing a white tank top, so I'm sure that made things a little more exciting. Down stairs, I was petting the dog and he dumped a second cup of ice water down my back while I wasn't looking. Caught me off guard. Then it was out to the backyard where the hose was. He asked if he could hose me down and much to his surprise, I said sure. I was SOAKED...but cooler. I didn't even mind that I was in jeans (or a white tank top). Good times. He was a little wet, but after the hose was turned off, I thought that I should have got him back. Damn. Oh well. We kinda just lounged in the back yard for a while until we decided it was time to get out and develop his film.” So tell me GOD is this the behavior that I should be expecting from people our age? Is this what love is? Is this why I should have no problem with I guy who continues to deny me a chance to get to know him and form a justified opinion so that he can instead tell my girlfriend how beautiful she is in her ear? I think not GOD. I hear that Jason has found someone special in his life. Tell me GOD how would her opinion of Jason be changed by these recent events? I hate to say this but relationships can only grow in the presence of pain and love. If your bond is never tested than you will never be willing to lay down your fear and trust the one you have feelings for. This would have been one of those bonding times, but every time things go slightly wrong you tell her to run away. You don’t even know what she is running from, yet you feel it is your place to make your arrogant opinion known. Both Brittany and I are being strong. You might say we are keeping face. But stubbornness rarely leads to a decision that anyone is happy with. Some times you must reveal your weakness to discover you hidden strength. Strength has nothing to do with winning or power. -Darth Padawan (Ryan) By the way you can tell her that I wouldn’t change anything about our relationship. This was an incident that needed to be discussed. The presence of Jason does not give me cause to rethink the structure of what we had. posted by Anonymous 2:02 AM Saturday, July 12, 2003 No tv and no beer make Mike...something..something. (4 days, 4 days.) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:28 AM Friday, July 11, 2003 Yeah it's probably because I won't get the game till 5 days from now. Also I was at work last night so that's no good. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 3:50 PM Ack! No. You and Brian went and saw it? Damn. I wanted to go. I just can't until work is done. I work everyday til 9:30, 10pm. Arg. Fiddle sticks. I hate this. Well, soon it won't happen anymore. I gave in to evil and I bought a cell phone. (510) 304-5992. I may not answer it, but I promise to check the messages all time. Also, I have caller ID, so that I can't be stalked. Also, as side note, it feels too damn early this morning. I need caffeiene. posted by Anonymous 10:53 AM Someone do something with me. Im going crazy waiting for KOTOR...5 days... posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:10 AM Wednesday, July 09, 2003 KOTOR has gone gold....(tears up) I'm so happy. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 3:10 PM Goodness. I'm more blind. I have new contacts. sigh posted by Anonymous 10:57 AM Blue October Lyrics Calling You There's something that I can't quite explain I'm so in love with you You'll never take that away And if I've said a hundred times before Expect a thousand more You'll never take that away Well expect me to be Calling you to see If you're okay when I'm not around, Asking if you love me I love the way you make it sound Calling you to see Do I too hard to make you smile, To make us smile... I will keep calling you to see If you're sleeping or you're dreaming If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me? I can't believe you actually picked me I thought that the world had lost its sway (It's so hard sometimes) Then I fell in love with you (Then came you) And you took that away (It's not so difficult, the world is not so difficult) You take away the old, show me the new And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you So while I'm on this phone A hundred miles from home I'll take the words you gave And send them back to you I only want to see If you're okay when I’m not around, Asking if you love me I love the way you make it sound Calling you to see Do I try too hard to make you smile, To make us smile.... I will keep calling you to see If you're sleeping or you're dreaming If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me? I can't believe you actually picked me... All lyrics by Blue October, 2003 posted by Mikael, Shady, God 3:07 AM Speaking of colors, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde was hilariously cute and had some super memorable moments. (The conservative congressman in the hearing comes to mind) :-D BUT it is one of those funny movies you don't laugh out loud at too much and I think Legally Blonde was such a success because it was so original. But this being the sequel the originality is lost. So a good movie? I'd say so. Definitely worth the 6 dollars I paid. But not better than the first one. Just my opinion. What did you think Mana? Also Mana next time you can finally get the story moving and get off the island. The island stuff is really just a tutorial and a set up for the three main characters so you understand them. Once you get off the island the story really picks up and becomes very interesting and involving. But you only had that half hour where you had to acquaint yourself with the fighting first and foremost. Good video games really are like books you participate in. The good ones are just as immersive as a good book, provide visuals like the tv and you get to directly interact with it. If you like reading good books I got just the games for you. if you like killing (Jason) I know good games for that too. If you're like Sarah and like the thrill of jumping and rolling and ducking etc. I know good platformers too. (The next generation of games like Mario and Donkey Kong) There really is something for everyone and I WILL! do my part to further continue slipping videogames into our mainstream culture. It's happening slowly and surely. Jason have I already made the observation you and I are Gabe and Tycho respectively? You are the kind of gamer Gabe is and I am the kind Tycho is. Unfortunately personality wise I think I am more Gabe. The more I realize how alike we are to such famous duos as Drew and Adam or Gabe and Tycho the more I think we kick ass and need to become superheroes. Now if only you were more like Felix instead of us both being Oscars. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:23 AM That's the attitude Sarah. :-D Oh, well. Mana liked it. :-P Don't believe me? Ask her. I was planning on starting you off with some Ratchet and Clank anyways. Or maybe Ill buy Jak and Daxter and you can try that. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 12:41 AM Tuesday, July 08, 2003 SOME females are gamers. Not all. And most are ugly. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 4:29 PM Sarah, you would like Kingdom Hearts. At the very least you'll say "aw, that's cute." I don't know of anyone who hasn't found something they liked about Kingdom Hearts. It has something for everyone. To prove that females are gammers...I just got home from and besides singing and horses, the first thing I thought of is whether I should play the RPG I'm into, play the online stradegy game I suck at, or a board game with my parents. I'm also trying to set up a game day with my older brother this Saturday. Then again, Mike and Jason will be the first (and were the first, if I remember right) to say that I am unlike the rest of the female population for various reasons. I guess I can't win. I'm glad no one was offended. I wasn't really sure, but I didn't want to get barked at later for not saying something. I'm rambling. I'm annoyed because my parents are leaving town AGAIN. I hate being home alone. And I'm still sunburned. posted by Anonymous 4:19 PM To Munky and Brittany: I was not offended in any way whatsoever(in regards to my playing of video games). Honestly the emotion/thought never even crossed my mind for a second. I can KIND OF see why Brittany thought I was because I was just a little annoyed at how everyone thinks I play FPS games as much as Jason. I've been asked multiple times, "What was that game you and Jason always played?" To which I reply,"JASON always played counterstrike." :-) But yeah I didn't hear anything other than that which was untrue and/or insulting. When I read sarah saying she hadn't meant to ridicule me I was like "WTF?!" and looked through 20 earlier posts trying to figure it out. :-) So neither of you worry. Neither I nor Jason were at all mad. Also Sarah I am well aware that those games intimidate you. That's one of the many reasons women shy away from games. I actually make it a point to try and get women into videogames. Not all because not many people are into ALL video games and I honestly don't think many women enjoy a good shooter but there are many games out there and it's guaranteed there's a genre that fits your fancy. One of the VERY few things I like about you Brat is that you play games. ;-) I also like how Sarah plays Donkey Kong and Anna and her rommates play Mario on Nintendo. My point (to sarah) was simply that I'm going to show you they aren't as complex and terrifying as they seem when you're watching. At least not the good ones nor the ones I'm going to show you. Im hanging out with Mana and MAYBE Dorothy today (Tuesday) so maybe we can stop by and I'll try to do that DK level again. Or I'll bring some game to show you. Like Kingdom Hearts or Ratchet and Clank. Don't be scared by them. They don't bite and can be played by children as young as 11. Not only that but they're so good they're still enjoyable to adults. :-) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:42 AM btw, on wednessday ill be leaving on a trip to montana which will keep me out till the twentieth, so if i dont respond - you know why. posted by Jason 12:00 AM Monday, July 07, 2003 WARNING: the following is a somewhat in depth game review of a game you might not care about. i just wrote it cause i felt like reviewing the game since it's a lot cooler than i thought it would be so i feel like analysing it. you have been warned... ive been playing soldier of fortune 2: double helix lately, and im actually having a lot of fun. the AI is usually pretty smart and they hide, ambush, throw grenades, etc... sometimes they still just stand in the open, but thats rare. more common is that they will hop over a perfectly good piece of cover, and then hop back. one thing that is just rediculous though is that unless youre almost directly behind them they see you right away. this makes stealth levels somewhat difficult (especially if like me you cant figure out how to get the silencer for your pistol). another thing that gets me, is that the alarms go off as soon as a guard SEES you, and there seems to be no way to turn off the alarms. i would like to have a chance to kill a guard that surprises me before the alarm goes off, but before he even shouts or shoots the alarms are already going. the worst example of this was once i walked by an open door and the alarm just went off. annoying, but luckily there are only a few parts where you HAVE to go undetected, and in those parts the guards all seem to be facing away from where i approach. the game is really hard though, not even counting the stealth levels. even on the easiest setting i get killed all the time. i suspect that as you increase the difficulty the only that changes is the amount of saves you can use per level. you really have to get head shots. and holy moly, there is gore like you wouldnt believe. i got my first hint when they made a big fuss about the violence settings in the install setup. the first time i killed a guy i used my knife, and instead of a puff of blood or something, there was actually a red line exactly where my knife sliced the dude, as well as some blood splatters around the wound. next i threw a knife at a guy and i could walk up to him and see the knife sticking out of his forehead, covered in blood. using the shotgun, i often blow off an arm, once a leg. and there are about 10 different ways you can mess up guys heads. i shot a guy in the head today and went up to him to show it to my cousin. i realized that there was a hole right where my bullet had hit on the guys right eye, which was now a hole. ryan told me to shoot him again, so i did, and now he had a hole on the left side of his head. its unbelievable, and somewhat satisfying as long as you dont think about it too much. the levels are pretty complex and they make me think of tom clancy movies. especially the level where youre in a columbian jungle with marines. there are tons of guys to wade through (and thats exactly how it feels sometimes), but at least they're doing interesting things like hiding and poping out to shoot. the first two missions had a youre-in-a-vehicle-with-a-machine-gun-and-you-have-to-shoot-other-vehicles deals at the end, and i thought it would be cool if every mission was like that, but it stopped after the first two. one thing that i found interesting, was they had a whole level where you just get story stuff, no fighting at all. you go to a town where this virus was used and just talk with your partner about it. nothing earth shattering but kinda refreshing i thought. ive played 4 missions now, and 2 were very linear, one was kinda linear, and the one that im on now is the most non-linear fps experience ive ever had. im on a ship and while i do have to do things in a certain order, i can take any route i damn well please. overall, i would give this game (only judging single player) an A-, with the only problem being the stupid stealth areas. but how many fps games actually do stealth well? posted by Jason 11:56 PM oh i wasnt offended in the least. i think i would have made it more clear if i had taken offense. if i sounded defensive, its just because i was going for a comic indignant tone, and that link was just something i happened to come across on penny arcade today that i thought was cool and fit in the discussion. i just enjoy talking about videogame culture and so forth. and i dont REALLY consider it a waste of time, at least no more than most other forms of recreation. my next post is long and probably boring for the majority of the committe. beware... posted by Jason 11:54 PM I totally sunburned my face today, playing with the horses. sigh posted by Anonymous 7:55 PM First of all, I wasn't really complaing about how much guys like video games. Secondly, I didn't mind how much time was spent with Halo. Third, I like watching games, but late hours make me sleepy and watching TV makes me sleepy, so that is why I slept through so much of it. Fourth, I play video games too. I just spent 4 or 5 hours in an RPG. I spend hours playing an online game. I play board games with friends and family. (Speaking of which, when is the next game night, Sarah??) Its not a big deal to me. So Jason, don't feel like your time is wasted and Mike, take your own advice and don't take things so personally. Sarah is right, we weren't ridiculing you males, just making an observation. My comment about Halo and the time spent with it was light hearted. posted by Anonymous 7:54 PM Yeah but those women are playing the Sims and shit like that. They're lumping all video games into the same category including freecell, solitaire etc. And this is the kind of thing I hate. "I hope that we can bring a little equality to what's out there," she says. Blah Blah Blah. why do women always make it about sex? posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:50 PM http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/ptech/07/06/college.gamers.ap/index.html boo ya mom. posted by Jason 11:47 AM What the hell!? I played it for like an hour max that whole damn week! Why must you always lump me in with Jason? He's the one that gets into the FPS games like that. I get into the RPGs aka the real games. Anyways I do believe the y chromosome and testosterone are a major factor in a guys ability to enjoy a fast paced action packed game of kicking ass. It's in our genes to conquer. And you better shove those feelings back down where they belong Jason. When you feel a painful little knot in your chest (where ALL emotions go) you'll know it's working. Maybe one day I'll post all the reasons women aren't as into video games. But rest assured Jason I am working on expanding this wonderful segment of civilation into more feminine sphere of influence. Speaking of which Sarah you need to come over sometime and try out one of those games I mentioned. They're really just the next generation of donkey Kong. I guarantee you'll like one of them. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:09 AM is there something on the y chromasome that enables guys to keep up with the fast pace in video games? or are 99% of females uninterested in any game more complex than freecell because our culture discourages them from playing the games guys love? i like to think its in my genes to enjoy and conquer in video games, including Halo, which is one of the best console games around. if its in my genes to conquer the evil Flood and Covenant in Halo, maybe its in them to be a real hero, with the power to leave the dark rooms and strained eyes behind, step into the bright lights of history, and... well, you know... do hero stuff. anyway, im gonna go sulk about how games are draining my life, then after ive shoved those feelings back deep down inside where they belong, ill get back to kicking some terrorist ass in soldier of fortune 2. posted by Jason 12:08 AM Sunday, July 06, 2003 You should have seen how much Jason and Mike played that game while he was in town...and all the time I slept through it. posted by Anonymous 11:00 PM I just got home from my day/night in the city. Jack Russel Terriers are so damn cute. I want one. I got to see some fireworks on the 5th, 43 stories in the air. Also, the apartment I was in had 2 X-Boxes, a projection screen TV, Tivo, DVD player, two nice computers, and a piano (plus more, I'm sure)...and they had tons of X-Box games...including Halo. I was tempted to try it, but decided that the car racing games looked more fun, which we did with 4 players. The boys turned them (we played two) into crash derbies, which was funny as hell to watch on the instant replay, while the girls actually raced. I had to share the bed with the dog, but she was so cute and cuddly, I didn't care. I was just sad to leave in the morning. posted by Anonymous 12:27 PM Saturday, July 05, 2003 Hey whoa wait! I'd like some e-mail for once. Forward that sucker. Should be entertaining. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:34 AM Friday, July 04, 2003 jaysen -> Fenris posted by Jason 10:52 PM i just got down from the roof here and it sounds like one constant string of explosions. there are flares going on all over the place. now they just showed a patriotic thing on tv with babies waving flags and people playing sports and soldiers comming home and my eyes are all watery. happy independence everyone. posted by Jason 10:49 PM I have work from 8:45am-4pm and the work at the other job from 6-10pm. Craziness eh? At least its over time pay. And then I'm heading to the city for the night. Sorry I can't make it. Hope everyone has a less stressful day. As for Ryan, I really want to make this easy on everyone and everything. I just feel like he's pushing me around now. At this point, he's done enough damage and it will be a long time before speaking to him again (after tonight, because he's working the same show). I'm going to follow Brian's advice and keep myself safe. I hate coming to that conclusion, but he's given me no other choice. posted by Anonymous 5:09 PM Ryan is doing a fine job of crushing every whim I had before about taking him back. He reads this blog and continues to be offended. He reads my journal and had the gaul to comment on things that happened last week. He talks to me online and says he'll give me time and space, but I have two new emails from him. One of those emails is written to you, Mike, aka GOD. I don't want to send it to you because I couldn't finish reading it without wanting to enilate him from my life permanently. His lack of respect to my wishes proves to me that he wil not be able to keep the promises he intends to keep and be who I need. I gave him the benefit of the doubt AGAIN and instead he is pushing my limits. This is getting fucking irritating. posted by Anonymous 7:04 AM What time should I be there? posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:08 AM Thursday, July 03, 2003 What does he say? Give us examples and our suggestions will be better. Also realize love is a bitch and ask him how this time is different from all the others? Is third time suddenly going to be the charm? Maybe everything will be different. At least till Jason visits again. Be strong. Be firm. You canot continually take someone back. It's not going to be any different than all the other times. Sure it may FEEL like it. You may WANT it to but it won't and some logical part of your brain is saying so. Just remember love is a bitch and fucks you over. If you want to get fucked over AGAIN at some point down the road. Then take him back. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:56 AM Wednesday, July 02, 2003 Ryan keeps saying things that make me want to crumble, fall to my knees, and take him back. It is so hard to stay strong. What do you boys suggest? posted by Anonymous 10:52 PM You know how sometimes you think about what you'd change about yourself? Like what you'd give up in return for something? I used to think being smart was a fair trade for a lot of shit but Im really beginning to think it isn't. I think it just fucks you over. I mean seriously when has it truly helped me? A good insult, maybe made some people laugh, hopefully given some good advice, all small time. It hasn't gotten me shit in 19 fucking years. Who always has the most fun? Idiots. Who always gets the last word? You'd think the smarter one but the idiots always feels they did. The world is so much simpler. People help you because they realize you've got this handicap. And what do they expect in return? Almost nothing. I'd give up every single speck of anything resembling intelligence or wit or humor or whatever little else I have going for me just for looks. I really would. A talent would be nice if it could get thrown in there like musical ability or something but Id settle for the looks. Ill coast for ten years and then coast off what that previous coasting has built up and by then I should have set up (with help from people smarter than me) a good little retirement. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:25 AM oh man, i could really go for some mission pizza. or more of that lemon chicken from wok city diner. but my mom brought back some "honey chicken" today that was divine. i gotta get me some mo a' dat. posted by Jason 12:54 AM i just barely passed the written test. by number 15 i had missed the maximum i could miss and still pass. i though, its ok, just have to get the next five all right. when i got to 20, i remembered that the test goes to 25. so i had to do the last 10 perfectly. it was a little tense. the last one i just had to guess between two answers. i got the right one. posted by Jason 12:49 AM Why am I never wrong? I swear it's a curse. I just wish one fucking time I could get something wrong. Maybe if I was an optimist and right all the time things would be ok. But of course Im a pessimist. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 12:01 AM Tuesday, July 01, 2003 I've lived in Fremont my entire life and I just went to Mission Pizza for the first time andhad one slice of weird cashew something pizza. Good stuff, but weird. Apparently, the place is pretty popular and well known. I never really noticed it before. posted by Anonymous 10:46 PM Haha...I was just thinking. Mike probably could have gotten Mana to drive if Jason also needed the "practice"..... posted by Anonymous 4:55 PM Good luck. Also, Jen came into the store while I was working the other day. She says hi. posted by Anonymous 4:54 PM today im going to go take the tests to get a license hopefully. wish me luck, i havent driven on anything but backcountry roads since last june. posted by Jason 2:52 PM