BJ's AnD S&M

BJ's AnD S&M


	Named after the creator, Mike, four most frequent posters, Brittany, Jason, Anna, Sarah and newest member Dorothy. archives Monday, March 31, 2003 Ive decided I need my own advice column. Like Batjew did. This is one of the funniest things Ive ever read. Dear Dike Chances are, you're turning her gay with your poor bedroom performance. Either that or you're a gigantic asshole. My dad is a gigantic asshole and he turned my mom gay. But, the way I see it now, I finally have a dad I can be proud of. My new dad isn't a useless piece of crap that just sits on the couch all day, snapping his fingers and football. Also, she doesn't take Japanese exchange students into the home and then come in wearing just a towel saying things like "TIME FOR MY JAPANESE 'MASSAGE'". Do you do that? Are you like my dad? Are you a useless hunk of crap that watches football all day and leaves fucking crumbs all over the kitchen and then threaten to "embarrass me" in front of my friends? WELL DO IT! GET UP OLD MAN. I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU GET UP OFF THAT FUCKING COUCH AND "EMBARASS" ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. WHAT'S THAT? JUST A SIGH? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. TOO MUCH EFFORT TO GET UP OFF THAT FUCKING COUCH, ISN'T IT? I'LL DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE!!! Yes indeed, my new dad kicks ass. She really does. Love! BATJEW Love that last all caps part. Thats the funny part. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 12:32 AM Sunday, March 30, 2003 Bastards. Its not like anyone could take a plane over with even a knife now what with how gung ho all the passengers are to kick some terrorist ass. Tell me J. Did you feel safer knowing no one had safety scissors onboard the plane? Why cant people just be genius' like us? Stupid mundane zero tolerance crap rules. I blame this equal/fairness bullshit. They say nothing that can be sharp so this has to apply to mundane retarded little items as well as knives and machetes. Or we have to search passengers but itd be wrong to target certain people so we'll randomly search the 80 year old lady from Tucson. I feel so much safer assholes! Thanks for immediately implementing all kinds of trivial asinine little rules that do nothing to make me safer! (screams) FUCK YOU INNEFFECTIVE RETARD GOVERNMENT AND AIRPORT SECURITY PEOPLE FUCK YOU ..... P.S. That story wasn't very funny. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 6:16 PM Saturday, March 29, 2003 funny story. when i went to the airport to fly to montana with elise (great trip, ill post about it later), i forgot that i always keep a pair of scissors in my backpack, and i had forgotten about a pair of wire cutters that i left there after my digital operations class last term. i had completly forgotten about these things, so when they told me they would have to search my bag, i figured they had seen my calculator or something. i was a little freaked out when i saw them pull out the scissors and cutters out. now, its not like i was a big security threat with these, they were safety scissors and really small wirecutters, but they understandably couldnt let me on with them. i might cut someones headphone wires or something. they told me i would have to check them, but since i had already checked my bags i just told them to throw the stuff away. and thats how i lost my scissors and wire cutters. the end. posted by Jason 8:25 PM Thursday, March 27, 2003 I have a stalker or something. They left two notes (so far) for me at work. They are weird and funny...and I think I know who it is, but I can't be sure. I'm not taking it seriously (for once) and some people think I should. The weirdest thing is that the first note came with a package of mustard. I don't even like mustard. No one in my family does. WIERD. posted by Anonymous 10:52 PM Wednesday, March 26, 2003 Okae this isn't the whole aim conversation but I just wanted a little discussion on this section of it where I launch into a rant. Shdy314: If someone doesnt think the world would be better off being like America then they need to pack their bags and move to whatever country they like. Theres no point in remaining with a group/nation etc if you dont think that what they stand for is right Unlimited 415: Way to be tolerant of other cultures and ways of thinking Shdy314: THATS THE POINT! Shdy314: FUCK OTHER CULTURES Shdy314: If I wanted another culture Id live there Unlimited 415: So force our culture on others...? Shdy314: I like the way America blends all cultures. I like being able to say fuck Bush Unlimited 415: You think that's right? Shdy314: HMMMMMM force democracy on people????? YES Shdy314: HMMMM force freedom of speech on people yes Shdy314: Id like that to be "forced" on people Shdy314: the ability to continue my culture and religion under my government no matter whos in power? YES "force" that on me Unlimited 415: 1023 Shdy314: you think people in Iraq and those places realize the alternatives??? NO because the ones that do get thrown in fucking jail! Shdy314: whats the first thing a dictator does? Seizes control of all information Shdy314: then they brainwash them into thinking saddam is our great uncle we live in squalor not because Saddam secretes billions to his own bank accounts but because America is evil Shdy314: blah blah blah and they believe it because how are they supposed to know better? Do they have a tv? Are they taught things? nope Shdy314: oh but we musnt judge other cultures. This religion says women are not as good as men. We cant say thats wrong. Its their culture. Well fuck that IT IS WRONG Shdy314: when people of certain cultures come to america can they beat their wife because their old country allowed it. NO! Shdy314: we tell them fuck you this is america and what we believe is right. If you disagree then dont fucking live here! Shdy314: Im a fucking liberal but this is bullshit. You can judge other people/culture/places and whatever else you want. Theres no fucking point in being here if you think theres a better system somewhere else with better ideas. Shdy314: were the most powerful, richest freest nation on earth and we cant say that MAYBE our ideas are just a little bit better than some POS country that wouldn't be worth shit if they didnt have oil? Shdy314: I think not Agree? Disagree? posted by Mikael, Shady, God 12:59 AM Tuesday, March 25, 2003 Everyone has a thing. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 9:43 PM Sunday, March 23, 2003 My thing? Eh. I don't have one. I'm not all that into porn. Although, while we were in the porn store, I was singing along to the radio. My friends said it was inappropriate and I just laughed. So I guess my thing is singing in the porn store? posted by Anonymous 11:19 PM Pfffffffffffffffffffft. Ive driven on all the restricted roads without knowing the security guard. Who is obviously doing a great job. :) P.S. What is your "thing"? posted by Mikael, Shady, God 6:22 PM I know the late night security guy at Ohlone, so the past couple of nights I've been up there really late. Last night I was there til 3:30am and the night before til 1am. Anyhoo, I've been driving on all the restricted roads and knocking over all the baricades. I must say, having a jeep instead of a wimpy civic is proving much better. I also found out yesterday that Fremont has a porn store. It is right in plain sight, I just never thought about it before. Its on Grimmer Blvd. Too funny. So I went in last night with a few friends and someone bought Hentai. Too funny. Anime tenticle porn. Nah. Not my thing. I went home after the first short video. posted by Anonymous 12:32 PM Friday, March 21, 2003 HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. Oh man that is hilarious.I can believe you fell for that. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 12:50 AM Thursday, March 20, 2003 Mike, I think I should hire you to assassinate my little brother. His joke was not funny in any way and I didn't find out that it was nothing at all until Sue found me packing and crying. I got thai food out of it, but Matt goes free. Bastard. I hate being gullible. posted by Anonymous 3:08 PM good luck posted by Jason 8:55 AM Wednesday, March 19, 2003 ooooooooooooooooh. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 11:09 PM Today it slipped out that my parents might be kicking me out. I'm pretty worried. posted by Anonymous 5:18 PM Monday, March 17, 2003 I'm not a cold person. And things with Spud Boy (that's his nick name) are fine. I think I have to get a second job which majorly sucks. Oh, but kinda exciting is that my best friend mentioned to me the other day that she wants to go to a shooting range, so she and I are gonna go. I already know I'm too weak for my dad's guns, but it will be fun trying anways. posted by Anonymous 10:30 PM Sunday, March 16, 2003 well stop being a tease and things wont be misinterpreted. Try and be cold and aloof with people. Like me. ;-) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 10:33 PM ya, it seems like the heaters are always on here, so if we dont open a window a little bit we wake up sweating. then we open the windows and freeze cause our beds are all wet. what im more worried about are our blinds. they dont stay on the middle support bracket, and the ones on the sides are slowly but surely letting go. someday im gonna pull on the string and the whole thing will come crashing down on my stereo O_O in other news, i talked to matt mendoza and hes got a paintball field really close to his campus. [pout] why cant i have a paintball field right by my campus? [/pout] posted by Jason 8:58 PM Sleeping is not so bad, Mike. Usually play time comes before sleep. I won't get into that with you. ANyhoo, I didn't share his bed. I took the floor and when he left for classes I got up and moved onto his bed. Those dorms were SO HOT, even for me. And his dorm mate would not open the window or blinds. It was like he was afriad of the light or something. And he never did say a word to me. Anyway, I was going to say that its best that I didn't share the bed with this guy because we are exes (from junior high and long distance, so it doesn't really count) and I'm friendly, so when I left I hugged him and gave him a kiss goodbye. When I called to tell him I got home safely (in record time, apparently) he said he was giddy. sigh Must these things always be misinterpreted? I just got home from Yosemite. Snow and rain and sun and beautiful sights. It was interesting. Frankly, going back to classes tomorrow is not exciting me. And I just found out I have a dentist appointment as well. Way to ruin my Monday. posted by Anonymous 8:05 PM Friday, March 14, 2003 It figures youd be trying to sleep when youre sharing a tiny bed with a girl. What am I going to do with you? posted by Mikael, Shady, God 10:04 PM ahh like i never ever read this and I Should, I really should. anyway. my spring break started today. except its kinda like looks like spring should be spring but isnt really spring break. yesterday it snowed. its ridiculous. it better be warm by the time school starts back up again because i am californian and this just isnt working for me. do i owe something to someone? school is a waste of time except my writing class. thats all. posted by Anonymous 4:03 PM its advantageous until youre trying to sleep. posted by Jason 7:44 AM (smacks Jasons head) Unless you're sharing them with guys Jason that works to your advantage. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:00 AM Thursday, March 13, 2003 ya, the beds here are pretty small too. sharing them kinda sucks. posted by Jason 4:20 PM Wednesday, March 12, 2003 HEHEHEHEH. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 10:12 PM I'm at Cal Poly right now, in a friend's dorm room. Actually, I'm on the all boys floor of this dorm building. Its been interesting. I'm certainly not bored. My friend is off at class so I'm killing time until he gets back so we can go out tonight, but his dorm mate is here...he is REALLY quiet. Like I said hello and he never said hello back. I don't know what that is. Anyhoo, he's back. YAY! Now we're gonna have fun or something. And like, we get share his REALLY TINY bed or I get the limited (like REALLY limited) floor space. Should be interesting. Ta!! posted by Anonymous 9:10 PM Tuesday, March 11, 2003 Triumph in fixing the car...again. Now I can drive to Cal Poly for some good times tomorrow. posted by Anonymous 6:27 PM Oh and Jason if you get up at 5 am in June while on vacation I will kill you. ;-) For your own good. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:50 AM Testing: I got bored so I fixed the web page. Seriously. Go ahead and view it. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 1:42 AM Monday, March 10, 2003 i think my body is developing a tolerance of caffienne. no good. it doesnt wake me up very much anymore. whats next...? posted by Jason 8:04 PM I bet I could get my father to agree to let you stay here a night or two...not in my room like other friends do, but you could have the couch or the queen mattress in the living room. And besides, you won't have to worry about disturbing anyone, since you wake up at 5am, about the time Sue does. Either way, it will be nice to have you around again. Now...to get my jeep happy again. You'd figure after all these months of struggling with the cooling system it would be okay, but no. The last possible thing, as far as I know, has broken. But I don't mind cause its an easy job. And when people look at my car and/or mechanics help me out, they are always impressed with my ability and knowledge. My guy friends are embarrassed that I know more than they do. Another sign that I'm just another one of the guys?? posted by Anonymous 5:58 PM Sunday, March 09, 2003 Jaysen come on you know you can stay as long as you want here. You don't even have to ask. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 11:17 PM it looks like ill be comming to the bay area june 13 or so for a scout camp that runs through to the 21st. i think id like to stay a week after that so i can hang out with some of you guys, and then id leave on the 29th or 30th. if possible id like to stay with people i know and not have to get a room somewhere, so if you think i could stay a night or two with you let me know. this is gonna be fun fun. posted by Jason 6:11 PM Friday, March 07, 2003 Day one of spring break and I just got home from work. Lame. I can't leave. I have bloody school during spring break. That is just sick. posted by Anonymous 10:52 PM ITS SNOWING!!!!!!!!! also, ive found that listening to sound through my headphones AND speakers is a very satisfying listening experience. posted by Jason 5:05 PM Wednesday, March 05, 2003 Exquisite pain. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 11:01 PM I know the fools dont understand one person can't make a difference unless they're very powerful. ;) Hey sarah whats your phone number? posted by Mikael, Shady, God 10:41 PM i found another asian food place that is just a step below benni hannas. its called wild ginger. lots of good food that i cant even begin to describe. posted by Jason 5:42 PM Angel tonight is the first of 10 all new episodes. Whoo Hoo. Oh and Faith returns. WHOO HOO posted by Mikael, Shady, God 4:54 PM Oh well. I haven't seen him since yesterday. I miss the girl scout cookies. And I'm really hungry right now. I'm making a pot pie, but now I don't want it...it sounds so dull compared to Benni Hannas. I haven't been there since July. I gotta go! The one is San Jose is just as nice as the one in SF, only with more parking. posted by Anonymous 4:29 PM I forgot to say that as great as the eating of his cookies(can I say that. it sounds dirty) :) and ordering of expensive food is at the restaurant he still won't get it because he is a guy. Which means he is dense. Which means anything short of screaming in his face may not be enough. Just the way it is. (Shrugs) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 7:47 AM way to go brit. i wish someone would try to make something up to me by taking me to benni hannas. looks in meghan's direction posted by Jason 7:25 AM Tuesday, March 04, 2003 Wow Brat I am impressed. Did you order the most expensive item on the menu too for the main course because that would just be superb. The Shakespearean insult generator called me a mammering flap dragon. Very accurate. Spiffy has two fs. :) posted by Mikael, Shady, God 11:57 PM Um. Condoms are so free at Ohlone. The health center has garbage cans full of condoms. The techies hord them. I bitched Ryan out for his immaturity (and all the other rechs) and he took me out to Olive Garden to make up for it. I totally took advantage of his money...two appetizers, extra food, etc. Punk. Oh, and I ate a box of his girl scout cookies without a twinge of guilt and a cruel look on my face. Maybe he gets the point? I just found out that I will heading up to Seattle next year for 5 days. Spify. I'm really excited. Maybe I'll actually get some rain I can count on and find a boy to be cute with. posted by Anonymous 11:50 PM HEHEHEHE That is hilarious. What a waste of cash though. Once is enough. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 2:46 PM Monday, March 03, 2003 sorry brat. dont you love how tightly some people hold on to their immaturity? posted by Jason 5:36 PM The techies have gone out of their way to make sure that condoms are always around me...falling on me, thrown at me, blow up like balloons and batted at me...all because they think I can't handle it. sigh posted by Anonymous 11:48 AM Saturday, March 01, 2003 Good Job Jason. Brat, I wouldn't tell you about the dream even if you did ask. I wasn't telling you specifically, I was just addressing the fact you were discussing dreams. If you want to know Jason, I can tell you. It wasn't sexual though. Also Brat there is no rule on when you stop growing and good job with Ryan. posted by Mikael, Shady, God 5:56 PM i think i sprained my esophagus. posted by Jason 1:42 PM My brother is 17 today. That is so weird. posted by Anonymous 1:38 PM